He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
