So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
