All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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