Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Are we still banned from the library?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
