Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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