CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
