I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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