you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
