I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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