i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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