there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
