he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I party with great urgency now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
