Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
