i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
