Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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