Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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