fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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