I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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