We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
