I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
