My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
