All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
