wake up i wanna do it froggy style
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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