I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
