I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
