And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
