I'm so fucking centered right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
