"it" just moved
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
