One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
