I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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