Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
