So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
