I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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