He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
