Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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