dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
