So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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