I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
