69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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