this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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