Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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