And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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