do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
