my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
