she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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