You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
