No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
