dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
