1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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