shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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